06.20.08 | 10:17 AM
I made another hard decision two days ago to cut him out of my life. I've never done it completely. We've had temporary lapses in contact, but never before have I wholly halted all communication and interaction between us. For twenty years, he has been apart of my life on some level, and now, I know that a big part of my heart is missing. It's not easy, I won't pretend, but it is necessary. I have my sad moments; however, the overarching joy of making a choice that will ultimately benefit my life is what propels me forward.
It was a shocking announcement to the people that know me best. Many have seen the struggle that has existed over the past several months as I tried to navigate my way through this, but I allowed very few to actually see how hard it was on me. I never once shed a tear about him in front of anyone. Only Mel and my mom really heard the brunt of how difficult it had become, particularly the lies. He reminds me so much of my dad. I can't choose to have him in my life, but I do get that choice with G. I won't have someone else blaming me for the choices they have made. If he feels bad, he can no longer push it off on me. It's not my fault that you have guilt.
I heard about your regrets, I heard that you were feeling sorry. I heard from someone that you wish you could set things right between us. ("Best Deceptions" - Dashboard Confessional)