06.22.07 | 8:55 AM
Even after all these days and weeks and months and years, being sick is still an arduous process. I'll be fine one day, filled with smiles and hope. And then the next, my body feels as though it has the weight of the world pressing down on it. Even amidst a date with a guy I have come to adore in unexpected ways, the feeling is so intense that I can't see anything through my pain.
I spent a lovely afternoon with Dr. G, taking a final round of med through my IV. He's gotten used to me not wanting to talk when I'm doing it. Instead, I prefer to plug into my iPod and close my eyes. It's the only way I can lose myself in the moment and escape a seemingly bleak reality. Once it's over, I'm fine again. It's only during that I realize how potentially serious this all could be.
And now, I've begun yet another round of antibiotics, a prescribed favorite for me. They don't make me as nauseous as others, but I'm still highly irritable. Virtually everything gets on my nerves during days like these, and it honestly doesn't take much to set me off. I try to bury the angst and fear, it does little good for anyone - especially me. In the end, I know that there are others out there who have it far worse than me.
All in all, I'm still pretty damn luck. I still have so much...family, friends, love, hope, faith, breath.
I know something is broken, and I'm trying to fix it, trying to repair it anyway I can. ("X&Y" - Coldplay)