herskin's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Her Imperceptible Shift I've been listening to the same string of songs for days, these tunes designed to set some part of my mind at ease. I keep thinking that this will become easier, but it hasn't. It's frustrating when you finally know what you want, are willing to go after it but just can't quite seem to grasp it. In an episode of "Sex and the City" entitled "The Domino Effect," Carrie asks, "Just how dangerous is an open heart?" Well, from what I can tell, very. From an open heart surgery to an open heartfelt confession, it's scary to put everything out there. To run and hide from this relationship for so long has been easy. Later in the episode, Big asks Carrie, "What are we doing? I'm serious. I'm talking about us." We've had that talk, almost literally word for word. I've asked what we were doing, asked what the point of this was. He has told me that he loves me. We have run the emotional gambit. And yet, I still find myself here. How did I end up here? In the morning, she talks about a shift that was imperceptible to anyone but her. I get that perhaps more than anything in the entire episode. These words resonate with me, remaining in the darkest corner of my heart where I allow the confusion and sadness to dwell. Rarely seeing the light of day other than here, they cling to these simply syllables for dear life. Knowing the tiniest nuances of someone is where the talking ends and the living begins. Call it a crutch when you plan it too much, waste your whole life without living. Gimme a moment that should have been spent, time isn't very forgiving. ("Calendar Days" - The New Amsterdams) 9:58 AM - 06.05.07 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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